Outlook Not So Good — T-Shirt

Sometimes a bad day requires something a little stronger than bottom-shelf gin. When you need answers and a buzz simultaneously, the only logical move is to smash open a plastic divination sphere and chug the mystical blue antifreeze inside. This rubber-hose trash panda isn't waiting for the universe to reveal its secrets—he's drinking them straight from the source.

The oracle has spoken, and it says your kidneys have about forty seconds left. The perfect piece for anyone whose coping mechanisms have escalated past the point of reasonable medical advice, or who simply views a 'toxic if swallowed' label as a coward's boundary.

• Does not grant psychic abilities, only immediate and severe abdominal distress
• Please do not actually drink the blue fortune juice
• Shake violently and call poison control later

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.