Team Player — Tee
About this item
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
- Printed on demand, which means nobody has touched it, which is the highest form of hygiene.
- Ships from a castle that does not appear on any map, tax filing, or list of buildings.
- Arrives before the war. Everything here arrives before the war.
Human Resources has identified your refusal to swallow active explosives as a 'cultural fit' issue. The modern corporate ecosystem demands total psychological containment. Being a 'team player' simply means internalizing enough unmitigated rage and structural panic to level a city block, all while maintaining a firm handshake and hitting your Q3 deliverables.
Behold your new corporate avatar: a severely sleep-deprived pelican in a mandatory necktie, chainsmoking through the pain while literally holding lit dynamite in its distended flesh pouch. A visceral, sweating monument to everyone currently holding it together by a single, frayed, management-mandated thread.
- Side effects of extreme synergy may include spontaneous workplace detonation.
- Fully compliant with all mandatory Return-To-Office directives.
- Issued by the Weird Castle Department of Human Capital Containment.
Frequently bought together
This item: Team Player — Tee
Product information
| Brand | Printify |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | T-Shirt |
| Date first available | July 25, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #20 in things nobody requested |
Customer reviews
I understood the joke immediately and so did everyone else, which was the problem. Five stars. I have not taken it off.
Docking one star because the description was written by a machine and it was better than anything I could have written. Unsettling. Good quality though.
Product works exactly as described. That is the issue. One star, would buy again, have bought again.
