Texas Shredder Hoodie — Leatherface Texas Chainsaw Massacre Skateboard

You can't outrun a chainsaw, but you can definitely out-skate one. Enter the Texas Shredder: proof that even backwoods cannibals with severe attachment issues appreciate a clean kickflip over a gap. It's a terrifying collision of raw horsepower, blunt trauma, and peak nineties skate video energy, designed for anyone who thinks extreme sports could use a little more actual dismemberment.

Wear it to the local park to assert dominance, or just to remind everyone that the real horror isn't wearing a mask made of human skin—it's missing the landing and eating concrete in front of the local teenagers.

The Fine Print:

• Two-stroke engine fuel sold separately.
• Do not attempt to nosegrind a femur.
• If you hear aggressive revving in the halfpipe, evacuate immediately.