The Matrix But It Takes Place Entirely In JCPenney Hoodie — Retail

It is the ultimate cyberpunk dystopia, except instead of jacking into the mainframe to download kung fu, you are wandering past the Arizona Jean Co. display trying to find the one working escalator to the mall parking garage. There is no spoon, but there is a 40% off clearance rack that has remained untouched since 2006.

• Morpheus is waiting for you by the portrait studio
• Trinity definitely shoplifted those sunglasses from a mall kiosk
• The Oracle just works the perfume counter and tells you what you want to hear
• You cannot dodge bullets but you can easily dodge the store credit card pitch

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.