The Prince Albert Drive-Thru — Mug

You can sanitize the early 2000s for your corporate mood boards all you want, but we remember what the culture actually was: cheap chrome, untreated infections, and making irreversible anatomical decisions in the parking lot of a 24-hour slider franchise. This is a tribute to the era when the human body was just another drive-thru surface to puncture with mall-kiosk metallurgy.

Featuring a glistening, airbrushed Y2K chrome homage to America's most digestible miniature burger, hijacked to advertise a genital piercing that takes six months to heal. Because nothing says "the customer is always right" quite like industrial-grade body modification served in a sack of steamed onions. Nostalgia is a disease; we’re just treating the symptoms with sterile saline.

• 100% surgical steel (technically)
• Not responsible for tissue rejection, migration, or deep-fryer grease burns
• Combo meal includes one captive bead ring and a medium Diet Coke
• Do not submerge in public pools or fast-food ball pits for 6 to 8 weeks