Wipe Your Feet Doormat — Creepy Funny Housewarming Gift

It has been waiting a while. It is so very glad you finally came. Now, do exactly as it says. This unsettling little greeting is the perfect way to establish dominance at the threshold of your home, ensuring that your visitors are sufficiently unnerved before they even knock.

• Scientifically proven to make guests reconsider dropping by unannounced.
• A fantastic housewarming gift for that one friend whose basement you refuse to enter.
• Does not actually consume souls, but heavily implies that it might.

A deeply threatening way to keep the dirt out of your hallway.