We Buy Teeth Hoodie — Weird Retro Graphic Sweatshirt

The economy is in the toilet, but your mouth is a goldmine. Forget flipping real estate or hawking diabetic test strips on a highway off-ramp—the real street hustle is strictly calcium. We took the grimiest roadside bandit sign in existence and gave it the glorious, iced-out 90s rap bootleg treatment it deserves. The Tooth Fairy is a scam engineered to underpay minors, but this is adult business. Cash in hand, no questions asked, zero paperwork. Whether you lost them in a bar fight, pulled them in a parking lot, or just woke up with a handful of them, we are liquid and ready to buy.

• Premium rates for intact bicuspids and gold crowns
• We do not require proof of ownership or dental records
• Plaque will be deducted from total weight at time of sale

A classic fit hooded sweatshirt perfect for shady roadside transactions, late-night hustles, and highly concerning gag gifts.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.