America Runs On Slaughter — Mug

You cannot just wake up at 5 AM, put on a weathered hockey mask, and start chasing teenagers through the woods on zero sleep. Stalking is cardio. Machete swinging requires rotator cuff stamina. Before you systematically eliminate a cabin full of hormonally charged camp counselors, you need a large iced regular and a Boston Kreme.

• Not responsible for what happens if they are out of French Vanilla.
• Chainsaws must be left idling in the parking lot.
• The real horror is the artificial sweetener aftertaste.
• Please do not make eye contact with the guy in the William Shatner mask.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.