Barely Holding It Together — Cap

For when the SSRIs, the mindfulness apps, and the eight hours of mandated sleep aren't enough, we bring you the physical manifestation of your current mental state. Meet the patron saint of the modern workforce: a manic, sweating roll of industrial-grade adhesive fighting a losing battle against the laws of physics and its own collapsing typography.

This is not a cry for help, it is a structural assessment. Wear it to your next performance review, quarterly all-hands, or mandatory fun event to silently signal that one more minor inconvenience will result in catastrophic system failure.

• Tensile strength: Approximately one (1) minor email from your boss.
• Adhesive properties: Diminishing rapidly since 2019.
• Warning: Do not expose to sudden changes in routine or questions about a five-year plan.
• Issued by Weird Castle Department of Structural Integrity.