Everything › Basic Baphomet — Hoodie
Basic Baphomet — Hoodie
$5499
Size: S
Color: Maroon
About this item
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
- Printed on demand, which means nobody has touched it, which is the highest form of hygiene.
- Ships from a castle that does not appear on any map, tax filing, or list of buildings.
- Arrives before the war. Everything here arrives before the war.
Hell is empty, and the dark lords are currently carrying 40-ounce pastel hydration vessels through a suburban parking lot. Baphomet didn't endure millennia of occult persecution just for you to suffer from a mild dehydration headache. Drink your water, you beautiful, doomed vessel of flesh.
A monument to the only two things holding your psyche together: a vague allegiance to the dark arts and aggressive, performative hydration. Because when the structural collapse of society finally hits, at least your emotional support cup will keep your iced matcha cold for 24 hours.
- Will not fill the gaping existential void in your chest
- Keeps damned souls cold for up to 12 hours
- Fits comfortably in most standard cup holders and summoning circles
- Hydrate aggressively, perish eventually
$5499
FREE delivery before the war. Details
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Printed and shipped for us by a print-on-demand fulfiller.
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Frequently bought together
This item: Basic Baphomet — Hoodie
Total price:
$130.99
Product information
| Brand | Printify |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | Hoodie |
| Date first available | August 7, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #14 in things nobody requested |
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The same design, on other things
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