Basic Baphomet — Hoodie

Hell is empty, and the dark lords are currently carrying 40-ounce pastel hydration vessels through a suburban parking lot. Baphomet didn't endure millennia of occult persecution just for you to suffer from a mild dehydration headache. Drink your water, you beautiful, doomed vessel of flesh.

A monument to the only two things holding your psyche together: a vague allegiance to the dark arts and aggressive, performative hydration. Because when the structural collapse of society finally hits, at least your emotional support cup will keep your iced matcha cold for 24 hours.

• Will not fill the gaping existential void in your chest
• Keeps damned souls cold for up to 12 hours
• Fits comfortably in most standard cup holders and summoning circles
• Hydrate aggressively, perish eventually

Everything is printed to order — your item is made after you buy it. Production takes 2–7 business days, then 3–5 in transit (U.S.) or 10–20 international. Most U.S. orders arrive within 5–12 days, with tracking emailed when it ships.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy.