Bedazzled Dumpster Rat — T-Shirt

The year is 2004. You have a flip phone, a tiny dog, and no concept of the impending financial collapse. Now it is today, and you are a feral creature eating garbage in the middle of a six-lane highway. We decided to bridge that gap. This is the hyper-pink, aggressively glamorous aesthetic of the early aughts applied to your current operating baseline: pure, unadulterated goblin mode.

Why pretend to be a wealthy heiress when you can be a terrified trash animal caught in the high beams of late-stage capitalism? It is the perfect vibe for disassociating at the mall, hissing at your landlord, or just looking incredibly hot while your life completely unravels.

• Pairs perfectly with low-rise jeans and a looming sense of dread.
• Guaranteed to make at least one person ask if you are okay.
• Warning: May cause intense cravings for discarded french fries and unregulated early-internet drama.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.