Court-Ordered Homebody — Hoodie
Size guide
True to size, unisex fit. Measurements are the garment laid flat, in inches.
| Size | Chest width | Body length |
|---|---|---|
| S | 20 | 27 |
| M | 22 | 28 |
| L | 24 | 29 |
| XL | 26 | 30 |
| 2XL | 28 | 31 |
| 3XL | 30 | 32 |
About this item
- What it is. Gildan 18500 — 50% cotton / 50% polyester heavy blend, 8.0 oz.
- Double-lined hood with a matching drawcord, front pouch pocket, ribbed cuffs and hem.
- Printed direct-to-garment with water-based inks.
- Sizes. S · M · L · XL · 2XL
- Care. Machine wash cold, tumble dry low. Do not iron the print.
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
Size guide — will it fit?
| Size | Length (in) | Chest width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 27 | 20 |
| M | 28 | 22 |
| L | 29 | 24 |
| XL | 30 | 26 |
| 2XL | 31 | 28 |
Measured flat, so chest width is half the full circumference. Unisex sizing runs true — if you are between sizes, size up for a looser fit. Not sure? Lay a shirt you already like face down and measure that.
Some people stay in because they love streaming, scented candles, and cozy blankets. You stay in because a municipal judge determined you are a severe flight risk with a penchant for grand larceny. Either way, domestic bliss is no longer a lifestyle choice—it is a legally binding mandate.
Meet your new best friend: three pounds of tamper-proof, state-issued plastic that literally refuses to leave your side. It gently buzzes when you think about crossing county lines and rigorously enforces your evening curfew. Who needs a clingy partner when the justice system cares this much about your exact GPS coordinates?
- Not a pedometer, so stop asking how many steps you took pacing the living room.
- Water-resistant up to the exact limit of your probation officer's patience.
- Vibrates aggressively when exposed to airports, liquor stores, or international waters.
Frequently bought together
This item: Court-Ordered Homebody — Hoodie
Product information
| Brand | Weird Castle |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | Hoodie |
| Date first available | August 16, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #56 in things nobody requested |
Customer reviews
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