Craving $700 Hoodie — Funny Anthropomorphic Wolf

You know what really gets the blood pumping? An unexpected windfall of exactly seven hundred United States dollars. You can keep your mystical prophecies and moonlit howling. This beast needs to make rent and pay off a minor dental bill, and is fully willing to look incredibly suggestive on some crumbling masonry to make it happen.

The perfect piece for when you want to bypass the subtlety of a GoFundMe and just project your raw, unfiltered financial desperation into the physical world. Let everyone know you're feral, you're approachable, and your CashApp is open.

• $700 is a non-negotiable floor
• Will also accept equivalent value in Target gift cards
• Do not ask what happened to the ancient ruins
• Financial deficit is the ultimate aphrodisiac