Deferred Maintenance Hat — Funny Crash Test Dummy Cap
Printed to order · arrives in 5–12 days in the U.S. · free delivery
30-day returns · secure Shopify checkout · a human answers questions
About this item
Cities and slumlords use the term 'deferred maintenance' when a bridge or a load-bearing wall is about thirty seconds away from a catastrophic localized event. We thought it was time to apply that same level of gross civic negligence to the human body.
Featuring an embroidered, heavily compromised crash test dummy held together by industrial tape, spite, and a stubborn refusal to schedule a physical. You aren't mysterious, and you aren't cursed. You are simply a depreciating asset whose internal infrastructure budget was quietly slashed in 2016.
- Load-bearing duct tape is not a medically recognized substitute for serotonin.
- Current structural integrity: thoughts, prayers, and spite.
- Do not inspect under the hood (it is entirely microplastics and cortisol).
This classic dad hat is 100% cotton twill, fully adjustable, and ready to distract from your crumbling foundation.
Shipping & returns
Everything is printed to order — your item is made after you buy it. Production takes 2–7 business days, then 3–5 in transit (U.S.) or 10–20 international. Most U.S. orders arrive within 5–12 days, with tracking emailed when it ships.
Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy.