Ficus Dentata — T-Shirt

Being a plant parent isn't just a hobby, it's a lifestyle of constant, quiet terror. There is nothing quite like the morning ritual of misting the terracotta, softly whispering words of affirmation, and watching the raw pink gums throb as a fresh adult molar finally crowns through the potting soil.

Sure, monsteras and succulents are easier to propagate, but they don't chatter affectionately when there's a draft in the apartment. Perfect for the dedicated indoor gardener who knows that real domestic bliss requires patience, indirect sunlight, and exactly sixty-two yards of waxed mint floss every fortnight.

• Requires twice-daily brushing and a fluoride drip
• Do not place near sleeping pets or unsupervised fingers
• Spontaneous bleeding indicates poor drainage
• May attempt to swallow weaker, less carnivorous houseplants

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.