Hold Your Horses — Tee
About this item
- What it is. Bella+Canvas 3001 — 100% Airlume combed and ringspun cotton, 4.2 oz. Heather colours are a cotton/polyester blend.
- Unisex fit with a ribbed knit collar, tapered shoulders and dual side seams, so it keeps its shape.
- Printed direct-to-garment with water-based inks. The design sits in the fabric, not on top of it.
- Sizes. S · M · L · XL · 2XL
- Care. Machine wash cold inside out, tumble dry low. Do not iron the print.
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
Size guide — will it fit?
| Size | Length (in) | Chest width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28 | 18 |
| M | 29 | 20 |
| L | 30 | 22 |
| XL | 31 | 24 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 |
Measured flat, so chest width is half the full circumference. Unisex sizing runs true — if you are between sizes, size up for a looser fit. Not sure? Lay a shirt you already like face down and measure that.
Everyone acts like snake hair was Athena's ultimate punishment, but reptiles mostly just sleep under heat lamps. The real mythological nightmare is a scalp full of fifty tiny, feral stallions screaming for oats, biting your ears, and violently shitting down your neck.
A completely unhinged visual execution of the worst idiom in the English language. Perfect for when the group chat is spiraling, management is asking for weekend deliverables, or you’re exactly one minor inconvenience away from turning a room full of people into gravel.
- Do not look directly into the eyes of the scalp-stallions.
- Turning middle management to stone is legally considered a zoning violation.
- Mane and tail maintenance requires specialized shampoo and a lot of emotional labor.
- If you hear microscopic galloping, run.
Frequently bought together
This item: Hold Your Horses — Tee
Product information
| Brand | Printify |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | T-Shirt |
| Date first available | August 13, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #90 in things nobody requested |
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The same design, on other things
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