How To Slap Someone Through The Internet Hoodie — Kermit the Frog Meme

You just read a take so astronomically stupid it temporarily altered your brain chemistry, and now you need immediate, violent solutions. Here is everyone's favorite green amphibian curled up with the only piece of literature that matters in the modern era: a practical guide to reaching across the digital divide and delivering blunt force trauma to a stranger's jaw.

The glitch aesthetic perfectly captures that specific vibrating, blood-boiling fury of logging onto the timeline and seeing what the worst person you know just posted. Inner peace is a lie; it is time for applied physics.

The Fine Print:

• TCP/IP protocols now support closed-fist packet delivery.
• Does not violate the Terms of Service if they really, truly deserved it.
• Currently testing WiFi-enabled backhands in closed beta.
• We are not responsible for bruised knuckles or cracked monitors.