Just A Quick Question On The Screen — Hoodie

The barista spun the smooth, sterile rectangle of glass toward you. It was supposed to be a simple transaction. Instead, the screen has sprouted veins, jagged teeth, and a ravenous hunger for your disposable income. The quiet, passive-aggressive pressure of the modern checkout experience has finally evolved into its ultimate form: a feral, rabid monolith violently demanding 35% on a black coffee that you poured yourself.

You didn't even commit any financial crimes today, you just wanted a lukewarm pastry. But the unoptimized human must pay the guilt toll. Look into its cold, glowing eyes. It knows you won't hit Custom Amount. It knows you're too weak to look the cashier in the face and select No Tip. Surrender your capital to the machine. The tablet is hungry.

• Suggested gratuity tiers: 30%, 45%, and Your Firstborn
• Attempting to tap the Skip button will result in immediate physical retaliation
• The screen is permanently sticky, and the stickiness is pure malice
• Transaction approved (derogatory)