Keeps 'Em Cold Sticker — Funny Yeti Cooler Parody

Premium ice retention has finally reached its logical, morbid conclusion. Why settle for a generic rectangular tub when you can trust the exact geometric shape that has successfully kept humanity out of the sun for centuries? It turns out the absolute best vessel for a three-day weekend bender is identical to the one used for eternal rest.

• Guaranteed to hold solid ice longer than most people hold grudges.
• Perfectly sized for a gross of domestic lagers or an incredibly unlucky hunting buddy.
• Doubles as an excellent conversation starter at children's birthday parties.
• Please drain the melted ice before initiating a burial at sea.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.