Lactose Intolerance Gang War Blanket — Funny Dairy Gang Fight

Your gastrointestinal tract is a warzone, and a sentient wedge of cheddar just authorized a hit on your lower intestine. We took the lamest, most apologizing-at-a-dinner-party biological weakness on earth and gave it the hyper-violent 90s bootleg tribute it deserves on this funny lactose intolerance blanket.

Watch in horror as cheerful 1930s rubber-hose animation dairy products ruthlessly jump an unsuspecting human stomach, backed by aggressive typography that demands respect. You don't have a dietary restriction, you have active beef with the entire agricultural sector. The perfect hilarious gift for the lactose intolerant person in your life whose stomach is currently fighting for its life.

• The beef: Strictly pasteurized.
• The opps: A two-percent milk jug holding a crowbar.
• The fallout: A biological drive-by in a poorly ventilated public restroom.

Excellent for hiding under when someone inevitably suggests going out for ice cream.