Minimum Viable Product — Mug

You are technically functioning. The core features are present: you breathe, you consume lukewarm caffeine, and you occasionally type 'sounds good!' in Slack. Are there critical bugs? Obviously. Is the UI deteriorating rapidly? Absolutely. But according to agile methodology and your middle manager's desperate timeline, you are ready for market.

This melting, exhausted skeleton is the ultimate daily stand-up status for the chronically online and corporately burned out. Stop striving for optimization. Embrace the grim reality of shipping a half-finished, severely compromised version of yourself just to get out the door before Q3 ends.

• Warning: May spontaneously deprecate without notice.
• Known issues: severe memory leaks upon waking, complete structural collapse post-5 PM.
• By displaying this, you agree that dissociating during Zoom calls is a feature, not a bug.
• Future updates, patches, and will to live are definitively not guaranteed.