Mouthbreather Malibu Hoodie — Ugly Barbie Doll Plastic Idol Fashion

You wanted the iconic American standard of beauty, but the factory mold degraded in the sun and now she is looking aggressively feral. Here is your plastic idol, stripped of the symmetry that made her marketable and given the bulging, unblinking stare of a creature that bites when cornered.

Finally, a fashion icon for the genetically unoptimized. She does not have a dream mansion, she has a damp basement and an extensive collection of loose teeth. A pop art monument to everything the marketing department tried to airbrush out.

• Accessories sold separately, mostly consisting of court summons
• Do not leave in direct sunlight or she will gain sentience
• Anatomically incorrect in entirely new and unsettling ways