No Lives Matter Schematic T-Shirt — Michael Myers Blueprint Parody

Some killers have a type. Some have a manifesto. And some just look at the grand, sweeping arc of humanity and decide that absolutely everyone has to go. Michael is the ultimate champion of equality: no demographics, no exceptions, no survivors. This funny horror movie shirt is presented as a highly technical blueprint for the total liquidation of Haddonfield, embracing the cold, sterile logic of a slasher who refuses to discriminate. Why argue about who matters when you can render the entire debate moot with an oversized kitchen knife and a brisk, unhurried walk?

• Pacing: Slower than a jog, faster than your car starting.
• Target Demographic: Literally everyone.
• HR Policy: Equal opportunity stabbing.
• Core Philosophy: No lives matter.

A perfectly grim novelty tee for true crime aficionados, Halloween fanatics, and anyone who appreciates a little equal opportunity nihilism.