One Whole Guy Consumed — T-Shirt

Some milestones demand buttercream. You didn’t just wake up and eat an entire guy—it took discipline, serious meal prep, and an investment in a chest freezer. It’s time to gather your surviving friends and family around a beautifully piped vintage pastry that honors your very specific dietary achievements.

Personal growth looks different for everyone. While your peers are bragging about half-marathons or mindfulness retreats, you’re hitting real, aggressively protein-heavy goals. Light the candles, make a wish, and definitely do not tell the guests what is in the fondue.

• Not a metaphor
• Pairs perfectly with a nice Chianti and fava beans
• Please RSVP so we know who is dining and who is dinner
• HR has formally requested we stop celebrating this in the breakroom

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.