Polymer Pete Bloodstream Residency — Funny Microplastics Hat
- Printed to order in the U.S.
- Tracked to your door
- Free U.S. delivery
- 30-day returns
- A person answers your email
Ships fast, with tracking · Shipping details
Size: One size
30-day returns · secure Shopify checkout · a human answers questions
About this item
Meet Polymer Pete, the cheerful, legally-mandated mascot of the late-stage industrial doomscape! He is bright, colorful, and currently coursing through your brain fluid and major organs. Remember when mega-corporations told us recycling was our personal responsibility while they pumped trillions of immortal plastic particles into the biosphere? Pete does! And he loves his new home inside your cells.
There is no detox protocol. There is no juice cleanse. You are a walking, breathing Tupperware container now. Celebrate the irreversible microplastic contamination of your own biological vessel with a vintage 90s-style corporate mascot hat that will outlive you, your descendants, and the sun.
- 100% guaranteed to successfully cross the blood-brain barrier
- Sponsored by the board members who definitely knew about this in 1974
- A proud, permanent partner of your collapsing endocrine system
- Cannot be sweat out, prayed away, or voted against
Yupoong 6606 retro trucker cap. 74% polyester, 26% cotton. Mid profile, six-panel structured snapback. Permacurv® visor. Mesh back. DTF (direct-to-film) print, front panel.
Shipping & returns
Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.
Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.
Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.
