Polymer Pete Bloodstream Residency - Funny Microplastics Tee

Meet Polymer Pete, the cheerful, legally-mandated mascot of the late-stage industrial doomscape! He is bright, he is colorful, and he is currently coursing through your brain fluid and major organs as microscopic plastic. Remember when mega-corporations told us recycling was our personal responsibility while they pumped trillions of immortal particles into the biosphere? Pete does! And he loves his new home inside your cells.

There is no detox protocol. There is no juice cleanse. You are a walking, breathing Tupperware container now. Celebrate the irreversible contamination of your own biological vessel with this vintage 90s-style corporate mascot graphic tee. Pete will outlive you, your descendants, and the sun.

• 100% guaranteed to successfully cross the blood-brain barrier
• Sponsored by the board members who definitely knew about this in 1974
• A proud, permanent partner of your collapsing endocrine system
• Cannot be sweat out, prayed away, or voted against

Printed on a soft, 100% cotton unisex t-shirt that feels almost as natural as the microplastics in your bloodstream. Standard true-to-size fit.

Everything is printed to order — your item is made after you buy it. Production takes 2–7 business days, then 3–5 in transit (U.S.) or 10–20 international. Most U.S. orders arrive within 5–12 days, with tracking emailed when it ships.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy.