Premium Bone Vault Schematics — Funny Medieval History Tee

Why let your metacarpals rot in a damp catacomb when they could be resting in gold-plated, hermetically sealed splendor? This exploded-view schematic graphic tee breaks down the ultimate high-net-worth calcium repository, pitched directly from the heavens.

Approved by 4 out of 5 martyred saints for maximum posthumous brand visibility. We stripped away the sacred mystery to reveal what a medieval reliquary actually is: luxury Tupperware for holy femurs. Maximize your corpse's retail footprint.

• Includes crystal viewing window for optimal structural flexing
• High-density gold leaf prevents unauthorized miracle leakage
• Bring your own martyr (BYOM)
• Void if bones begin to weep scented oils

Printed on an ultra-soft, 100% cotton premium t-shirt. True-to-size unisex fit for optimal breathability while you plot your eternal aesthetic.

Everything is printed to order — your item is made after you buy it. Production takes 2–7 business days, then 3–5 in transit (U.S.) or 10–20 international. Most U.S. orders arrive within 5–12 days, with tracking emailed when it ships.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy.