Silent Reading Flesh Wedge — Tee
About this item
- What it is. Bella+Canvas 3001 — 100% Airlume combed and ringspun cotton, 4.2 oz. Heather colours are a cotton/polyester blend.
- Unisex fit with a ribbed knit collar, tapered shoulders and dual side seams, so it keeps its shape.
- Printed direct-to-garment with water-based inks. The design sits in the fabric, not on top of it.
- Sizes. S · M · L · XL · 2XL
- Care. Machine wash cold inside out, tumble dry low. Do not iron the print.
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
Size guide — will it fit?
| Size | Length (in) | Chest width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28 | 18 |
| M | 29 | 20 |
| L | 30 | 22 |
| XL | 31 | 24 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 |
Measured flat, so chest width is half the full circumference. Unisex sizing runs true — if you are between sizes, size up for a looser fit. Not sure? Lay a shirt you already like face down and measure that.
Remember the warm nostalgia of elementary school, when the teacher demanded absolute silence and compliance was non-negotiable? We've upgraded the classic pink bevel for today's authoritarian learning environments. Cast in hyper-realistic, slightly clammy synthetic tongue flesh, this desktop staple enforces library hour with brutal, anatomical literalism.
It is the perfect back-to-school essential for intimidating a chatty seatmate or leaving a disturbingly moist smudge over your scantron errors. Stamped with a cheerful 'SILENT READING' right across the papillae, it serves as a tactile reminder that your voice is a classroom privilege, not a right.
- Textured for maximum grip and zero backtalk.
- Leaves a faint, coppery-tasting residue on standardized tests.
- Does not require hydration, though it may sweat under pressure.
- Property of the school district. Do not attempt reattachment.
Frequently bought together
This item: Silent Reading Flesh Wedge — Tee
Product information
| Brand | Printify |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | T-Shirt |
| Date first available | August 15, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #16 in things nobody requested |
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The same design, on other things
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