Support Local Crime Goose Sticker — Funny Goose with Knife

The absolute worst neighbor in your community isn't the guy running a chop shop out of his garage, it’s the fifteen-pound avian psychopath nesting near the retention pond. It's time to invest in your community by backing the real hometown heroes: heavily armed waterfowl with zero impulse control.

Rendered in the dignified style of a 19th-century etching, this very serious civic announcement is for those who respect nature’s truest menace. Forget the mom-and-pop diner; throw your support behind the guy hissing at a Honda Civic with a freshly flicked switchblade.

• Sponsored by the neighborhood association for unprovoked hostility
• Do not make eye contact with the community outreach coordinator
• Breadcrumbs will be considered a down payment on your continued survival