Tabletop Position Hoodie — Deadpan Pop Music Joke
- Printed to order in the U.S.
- Tracked to your door
- Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+ — this one gets you there
- 30-day returns
- A person answers your email
Ships fast, with tracking · Shipping details
Secure Shopify checkout · a person answers your email
About this item
For the girlies who treat intimacy like a beginner's pilates warm-up. Spine absolutely rigid, wrists locked, ninety-degree angles straight across the board, just waiting for the acoustic set to drop.
- Core strength off the charts, unfortunately.
- Spine remains strictly parallel to the floor.
- Zero pelvic tilt detected.
- Mentally rehearsing a pop chorus.
Shipping & returns
Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.
Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.
Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.
Size guide
True to size, unisex fit. Measurements are the garment laid flat, in inches.
| Size | Chest width | Body length |
|---|---|---|
| S | 20 | 27 |
| M | 22 | 28 |
| L | 24 | 29 |
| XL | 26 | 30 |
| 2XL | 28 | 31 |
| 3XL | 30 | 32 |
