Terminal Evolution Carcinization Crab Hoodie

Science proves that over millions of years, diverse organisms keep independently evolving into crabs. It is called carcinization, and it means your current fleshy, upright-walking meat-sack phase is just an awkward transitional state on the way to becoming a heavily armored bottom-feeder.

• Premium cotton/poly blend, far softer than a rigid exoskeleton
• Kangaroo pocket for hiding your weak, un-evolved human hands
• Drawstring hood to conceal your embarrassing lack of eyestalks
• Sideways walking in this pullover is the most efficient way to avoid eye contact with management

Gildan 18500 unisex hooded sweatshirt, classic fit, 8.0 oz/yd² (271 g/m²). 50% cotton, 50% polyester. Pouch pocket. Double-lined hood with color-matched drawcord. Ribbed cuffs and hem. Direct-to-garment (DTG) print, front.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.