The Long Way Corn Shirt — Funny Eating Corn Vertically Tee

Society wants you to eat corn on the cob like a typewriter. Left to right, little bites, ding. But you are not a machine. You are a biological terror, and this funny corn shirt proves you refuse to conform to Big Agriculture’s horizontal consumption agenda. Unhinge your jaw like a starved python and assert immediate, terrifying dominance at the neighborhood barbecue with the ultimate unhinged cookout gag gift.

This helpful minimalist diagram tee separates the compliant sheep from the apex predators. For the dietary visionary who looks at a twelve-inch starchy cylinder and whispers, I am going to maintain unbroken eye contact while I do this.

• Requires mild, temporary dislocation of the lower mandible.
• Guaranteed to make your in-laws leave the cookout early.
• Do not attempt with heavily buttered cobs unless you have a spotter.
• Weird Castle assumes no liability for throat geometry alterations.

A delightfully cursed graphic tee that's perfect for summer barbecues, family dinners, and making everyone at the picnic deeply uncomfortable.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.