The Prince Albert Drive-Thru — Tee

You can sanitize the early 2000s for your corporate mood boards all you want, but we remember what the culture actually was: cheap chrome, untreated infections, and making irreversible anatomical decisions in the parking lot of a 24-hour slider franchise. This is a tribute to the era when the human body was just another drive-thru surface to puncture with mall-kiosk metallurgy.

Featuring a glistening, airbrushed Y2K chrome homage to America's most digestible miniature burger, hijacked to advertise a genital piercing that takes six months to heal. Because nothing says "the customer is always right" quite like industrial-grade body modification served in a sack of steamed onions. Nostalgia is a disease; we’re just treating the symptoms with sterile saline.

• 100% surgical steel (technically)
• Not responsible for tissue rejection, migration, or deep-fryer grease burns
• Combo meal includes one captive bead ring and a medium Diet Coke
• Do not submerge in public pools or fast-food ball pits for 6 to 8 weeks

Everything is printed to order — your item is made after you buy it. Production takes 2–7 business days, then 3–5 in transit (U.S.) or 10–20 international. Most U.S. orders arrive within 5–12 days, with tracking emailed when it ships.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy.