Theranos Racing Team T-Shirt — Elizabeth Holmes Nascar 90S Bootleg

Silicon Valley grift meets the asphalt. She didn't just disrupt hematology, she’s coming for the Daytona 500. Celebrate your favorite unhinged billionaire fraudster with the highest-octane aesthetic of the 1990s, complete with repeating logos, aggressive typography, and a massive car that completely distracts you from the fact the machine in the back doesn't work.

There is absolutely no reason the Edison shouldn't be a pit stop sponsor. Slap on the deep voice, put the pedal to the metal, and ride this venture capital hallucination straight into a federal indictment at 200 miles per hour. One tiny drop really does change everything, especially your sentencing guidelines.

• Top speed limited by pending wire fraud charges
• Does not actually run 200 blood tests from a single drop of motor oil
• Voice drops three octaves upon crossing the finish line
• Sponsorship money definitely not routed through a shell company