Unintelligible For My Own Safety Hat — Funny Frog Cap

The optimization engines are listening, and they are desperate to file you into a highly monetizable spreadsheet cell. The only viable defense against a machine built to parse human behavior is to become aggressively, chemically impossible to understand. Ribbit your way out of the demographic bracket and embrace the safety of total incoherence with this funny novelty hat.

Featuring a blindingly toxic retro psychedelic amphibian, this cap is a monument to linguistic evasion. If your thoughts don't make sense, they can't be categorized, processed, or subpoenaed. Be the brightly colored swamp juice in the server room and give the ultimate anti-surveillance gift to your favorite chronically online weirdo.

• Guaranteed to scramble local sentiment-analysis algorithms.
• Colors so loud they cause a syntax error in smart home devices.
• Warning: Chronic nonsense may result in permanent exclusion from the targeted advertising pool.

Fits most human heads currently generating white noise to confuse the algorithm. Ships fast so you can go off the grid sooner.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.