Unsolved Mysteries: Tower 7 Hoodie — Funny Wtc 7

Cue the fog machine, put on your trench coat, and queue up the most unnerving synthesizer theme song in television history. Tonight on the broadcast, we're taking a nostalgic trip back to the golden age of cable TV and 47-story buildings collapsing into their own footprints at free-fall speed.

You don't need a degree in structural engineering or an active FOIA request to appreciate a flawless 80s retro graphic. You just need a healthy distrust of the official narrative and a yearning for the days when mysteries were narrated by guys who sounded like they smoked three packs a day.

• Does not include a spooky trench coat or a foggy alleyway.
• Cannot melt steel beams or delete SEC investigation files.
• Please do not call the 1-800 update hotline with your thermite theories, the operators are tired.