User Hostile Design — Tee
About this item
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
- Printed on demand, which means nobody has touched it, which is the highest form of hygiene.
- Ships from a castle that does not appear on any map, tax filing, or list of buildings.
- Arrives before the war. Everything here arrives before the war.
Silicon Valley spends billions engineering interfaces that trap, manipulate, and actively exhaust the consumer. We figured it was time to streamline the process and build those dark patterns directly into your personality. Featuring a rabid, dial-up era mascot violently tearing through a wireframe, this is a legally binding warning to anyone attempting to initiate small talk.
You aren't "quirky" or "protecting your peace." Your interpersonal architecture is intentionally designed to be a friction-heavy, antagonistic labyrinth. If someone tries to interact with you in public, they will be forced to click through three unskippable pop-ups and locate a microscopic, low-contrast 'close' button just to get a nod.
- Feature list includes: spontaneous crashing, high latency, and actively refusing third-party cookies.
- Attempting to cancel a conversation requires mailing a notarized letter to an offshore retention specialist.
- Basic empathy locked behind an unannounced premium subscription tier.
- Issued by the Weird Castle Department of Intentional Friction.
Frequently bought together
This item: User Hostile Design — Tee
Product information
| Brand | Printify |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | T-Shirt |
| Date first available | July 26, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #44 in things nobody requested |
Customer reviews
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Reviews are read by a person before they go up. The Machine is not allowed to write them, and neither are we.
