5-Hour Felony — T-Shirt

Right between the unregulated delta-8 gummies and the dust-covered rhino pills sits the ultimate checkout-counter impulse buy. We took Dr. Jekyll's original Victorian serum for unleashing mankind's basest, most violent urges and crammed it into a two-ounce plastic bottle that tastes aggressively of blue raspberry. Why drink coffee to survive a shift when you can down neon sludge that immediately overrides your moral compass?

This isn't for finishing a spreadsheet; this is for terrorizing the locals and biting the side-view mirrors off parked cars. Do not consume if you have a conscience, a pulse, or a pending court date.

• Contains 40,000% of your daily recommended malice
• May cause spontaneous cane-assaults and top hat materialization
• The FDA has actively begged us to stop mailing them samples
• Not responsible for any crimes committed while your alter-ego has the wheel

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.