Active Choking Hazard Funny Warning Label Hoodie

The Consumer Product Safety Commission wants you to believe small parts are passive hazards waiting to be ingested. They are lying to you. The truth is that the small parts have been training, they recognize no weight classes, and they are actively looking to submit things ten times their size.

This funny warning label hoodie is for the ungovernable. A public notice that you are not a passive risk factor, but a disproportionate, feral menace. Let them underestimate your mass. You only need three seconds and a clear path to the carotid.

• Not suitable for children under 3 years, or anyone lacking basic takedown defense.
• In the event of a rear-naked choke from a synthetic polymer brick, tap out immediately.
• Weird Castle Operations is not liable for structural damage caused by your feral asymmetry.

Printed on a premium, ultra-soft heavyweight cotton-blend hoodie. Standard unisex fit—size up if you need extra mobility for ground-and-pound.

Everything is printed to order — your item is made after you buy it. Production takes 2–7 business days, then 3–5 in transit (U.S.) or 10–20 international. Most U.S. orders arrive within 5–12 days, with tracking emailed when it ships.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy.