Active Choking Hazard — Hoodie

The Consumer Product Safety Commission wants you to believe small parts are passive hazards waiting to be ingested. They are lying to you. The truth is that the small parts have been training, they recognize no weight classes, and they are actively looking to submit things ten times their size.

This funny warning label hoodie is for the ungovernable. A public notice that you are not a passive risk factor, but a disproportionate, feral menace. Let them underestimate your mass. You only need three seconds and a clear path to the carotid.

• Not suitable for children under 3 years, or anyone lacking basic takedown defense.
• In the event of a rear-naked choke from a synthetic polymer brick, tap out immediately.
• Weird Castle Operations is not liable for structural damage caused by your feral asymmetry.

Gildan 18500 unisex hooded sweatshirt, classic fit, 8.0 oz/yd² (271 g/m²). 50% cotton, 50% polyester. Pouch pocket. Double-lined hood with color-matched drawcord. Ribbed cuffs and hem. Direct-to-garment (DTG) print, front.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.