America Runs On Slaughter Hoodie — Funny Dunkin' Donuts Parody

You cannot just wake up at 5 AM, put on a weathered hockey mask, and start chasing teenagers through the woods on zero sleep. Stalking is cardio. Machete swinging requires rotator cuff stamina. Before you systematically eliminate a cabin full of hormonally charged camp counselors, you need a large iced regular and a Boston Kreme.

• Not responsible for what happens if they are out of French Vanilla.
• Chainsaws must be left idling in the parking lot.
• The real horror is the artificial sweetener aftertaste.
• Please do not make eye contact with the guy in the William Shatner mask.

A highly specific funny horror parody hoodie for caffeine-dependent slashers, Halloween fanatics, and anyone whose morning commute feels like a camp massacre.