CHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY — Cap
- Printed to order in the U.S.
- Tracked to your door
- Free U.S. delivery
- 30-day returns
- A person answers your email
Ships fast, with tracking · Shipping details
30-day returns · secure Shopify checkout · a human answers questions
About this item
No agency was coming for this one. Not FEMA, not the Red Cross, not anyone with a hotline or a casserole. When the disaster was the entire information environment collapsing into a slurry of death counts, meme discourse, and main-character events refreshing every four minutes, you had to self-deploy. This cap is your official documentation. You did not volunteer for this. You were volunteered by circumstance, by the algorithm, by a news cycle that never called for an all-clear. Wear it with the thousand-yard stare you earned.
- Agency: Bureau of Chronically Online Disaster Management (BCODM)
- Incident Classification: Complex Multi-Platform Psychic Mass Casualty Event
- Incident #: 69420-DOOMSCROLL
- Deployment Status: ACTIVE / NO DEMOBILIZATION DATE SET
- Authorized Activities: Refreshing, quote-tweeting into the void, doomscrolling as civic duty
- Benefits Package: None. There was never a benefits package.
- Next Briefing: Whenever something happens, which will be soon, which will be worse
Yupoong 6606 retro trucker cap. 74% polyester, 26% cotton. Mid profile, six-panel structured snapback. Permacurv® visor. Mesh back. DTF (direct-to-film) print, front panel.
Shipping & returns
Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.
Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.
Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.
