I Doxxed Earth — Hoodie

In 1977, a bunch of Ivy League optimists strapped a literal map of Earth to the Voyager probe and fired it blindly into the dark forest of the cosmos. Now, as the inevitable, unspeakable cosmic horrors finally decipher our coordinates and warm up their world-crackers, at least someone is taking accountability.

Wear this vintage rubber-hose pioneer hoodie to cheerfully admit you made a severe and continued lapse in judgment. It is not paranoia if we literally handed out our home address to the void on a gold-plated mixtape.

• 100% chance of impending extraterrestrial foreclosure
• Chuck Berry will not save you from the orbital lasers
• The Golden Record translates roughly to 'come and get it'
• We apologize for the inconvenience of total planetary annihilation

Gildan 18500 unisex hooded sweatshirt, classic fit, 8.0 oz/yd² (271 g/m²). 50% cotton, 50% polyester. Pouch pocket. Double-lined hood with color-matched drawcord. Ribbed cuffs and hem. Direct-to-garment (DTG) print, front.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.