Mechanically Separated Apex — Tee

You are a high-value, top-of-the-food-chain lone wolf. You dominate the marketplace and the comments section. Your spirit animal is a terrifying prehistoric beast, which has conveniently been reduced to mechanically separated poultry sludge, bleached, breaded, and frozen in bags of sixty. This is the face of uncompromising power.

Stare deeply into the stoic, breaded visage of a pulverized dinosaur and recognize your own unearned internet confidence. It is a grim reminder that millions of years of terrifying evolutionary dominance ends in a microwave on a paper towel. Assert dominance at the function.

• 100% pure bred alpha energy (contains up to 3% rib meat)
• Evolutionarily optimized for submersion in high-fructose corn syrup
• If you have to declare you are the apex predator, you are a side dish
• Do not microwave the grindset