Ready For Curbside Pickup — Funny Existential Burnout Shirt

Look, the biological lease is up and the machinery is tired. There is zero shame in dragging your calcium scaffolding to the municipal curb and waiting for the universe to do its weekly sweep. We are all just highly organized trash patiently waiting for the cosmic garbage truck to finally relieve us of the burden of perceiving reality. This funny existential graphic tee is for anyone who has completed the ultimate chore: finishing the human experience and neatly bagging up the remains. No more optimization. No more quarterly goals. Just the quiet, dignified peace of being hauled off to the great landfill in the sky.

• Compliant with all universal waste disposal mandates
• Do not mix psychic dread with standard recycling
• Thumbs-up signifies total systemic surrender
• Issued by Weird Castle Municipal Sanitation Ops

Printed on a ridiculously soft, 100% cotton unisex tee because if you are waiting for the sweet release of the void, you might as well be comfortable. True to size; size up if you want extra room to rot.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.