Standard Academic Protocol — Funny Student Survival Mug

The FAA mandates a crash position for when your fuselage rips open at 30,000 feet, but provides zero guidance for surviving a Tuesday morning seminar. You are currently hurtling toward finals at 500 miles per hour in a decaying institution held together by underpaid adjuncts and predatory debt.

Rendered in the deadpan, panic-suppressing aesthetic of an in-flight safety card, this official protocol coffee mug instructs you on the only reasonable response to higher education. When the syllabus drops, grip your ankles and brace. The horrors persist, but attendance is still mandatory.

• Oxygen masks will not drop from the ceiling.
• In the event of a total systemic collapse, your tuition will be used as a flotation device for the board of trustees.
• Please remain in the brace position until graduation.

Ceramic mug. White ceramic. 11oz (0.33 l). Rounded corners. C-handle. Dye-sublimation print.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.