Standard Academic Protocol Shirt — Funny Student Survival Tee

The FAA mandates a crash position for when your fuselage rips open at 30,000 feet, but provides zero guidance for surviving a Tuesday morning seminar. You are currently hurtling toward finals at 500 miles per hour in a decaying institution held together by underpaid adjuncts and predatory debt. Rendered in the deadpan, panic-suppressing aesthetic of an in-flight safety card, this funny college t-shirt instructs you on the only reasonable response to higher education. When the syllabus drops, grip your ankles and brace. The horrors persist, but attendance is still mandatory.

• Oxygen masks will not drop from the ceiling.
• In the event of a total systemic collapse, your tuition will be used as a flotation device for the board of trustees.
• Please remain in the brace position until graduation.

Printed on a remarkably soft, 100% ring-spun cotton unisex tee. True-to-size fit, durable construction, and ships fast enough to wear to your next midterm breakdown.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.