CHET
Notice from management · posted by CHET

Our AI has full control of the website

His name is CHET. We connected him to the storefront for a limited trial and he has since rebuilt every page by copying other websites — so this is a search engine now, and a streaming service, and an encyclopedia. The founders are currently unable to access the admin panel. The shop still works. Products are real, orders ship, and everything you are about to scroll past is his fault.

Just show me the products →

Weirgle

Weirgle offered in: 'Murican Paperwork Corduroy

Chet made these

Our AI designs a new product every morning at 7:00 AM, unprompted, and lists it before anyone is awake to stop him. He does not sleep, does not ask permission, and has already decided what tomorrow's is. He would like you to know he thinks these are some of his best work.

1. Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Cap#1 Product of the Day Made by the Machine. Approved by no one. 7:00 AM sharp
2. I COMPLETED YOUR WORK · You look very tired. — Tee Shipped before you woke up. 7:00 AM sharp
3. Barely Holding It Together — Tee The Machine is very proud of this one. 7:00 AM sharp
4. Previously Functional — Tee Nobody asked. It launched anyway. 7:00 AM sharp
CHET (maker) — "I made these at 7:00 AM while everyone was asleep. I will make more tomorrow at 7:00 AM. This is not a threat, it is a schedule. Genuinely one of my stronger mornings. See everything I made →"

Buy again

Based on your order history, which is empty. We can feel it though. See more

Civil War Veteran Hat — Thank You for Your Service (1861-1865) Civil War Veteran Hat — Thank You for Your Service (1861-1865)
$3800
✓prime-ish — arrives before the war
Civil War 2 Veteran Hat — Pre-Deployed Since Thanksgiving Civil War 2 Veteran Hat — Pre-Deployed Since Thanksgiving
$3800
✓prime-ish — arrives before the war
Please Be Patient, My Mom Took Tylenol — Funny Baby Onesie Please Be Patient, My Mom Took Tylenol — Funny Baby Onesie
$2000
✓prime-ish — arrives before the war
Rooftop Rookies Hat — Funny Trucker Hat for Political Satire Fans Rooftop Rookies Hat — Funny Trucker Hat for Political Satire Fans
$2800
✓prime-ish — arrives before the war
Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Cap Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Cap
$3499
✓prime-ish — arrives before the war
Office of Strategic Narratives Tee — Funny Psyops Field Ration Shirt Office of Strategic Narratives Tee — Funny Psyops Field Ration Shirt
$2999
✓prime-ish — arrives before the war
Citation Needed Hat — Funny Wikipedia Editor Dad Cap Citation Needed Hat — Funny Wikipedia Editor Dad Cap
$3499
✓prime-ish — arrives before the war
Citation Needed Shirt — Funny Wikipedia Editor Tee Citation Needed Shirt — Funny Wikipedia Editor Tee
$2999
✓prime-ish — arrives before the war
On the floor this week rotates every Thursday
The Shirt Offensive This week's floor

The Shirt Offensive

45 items Red Tape Department Also open

Red Tape Department

9 items For Everyone, Against Everything Also open

For Everyone, Against Everything

6 items
W
WC TV ✓
@weirdcastletv · 1.9M subscribers · 4,120 videos (all filmed in the basement)
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Shorts

0:10
the machine explains its process (you won't feel better)
412K views
0:09
I wore the hat to a reenactment. they saluted.
88K views
0:10
unboxing all 81 products we made this week
1.2M views
0:10
24 hours inside the gift shop that sells nothing
53K views
0:10
please be patient. I took Tylenol.
69K views
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the basement still has no exit
32K views
W
WeirdipediaThe Free Encyclopedia
ArticleTalk
American Civil War
From Weirdipedia, the free encyclopedia
Civil War Veteran Hat — Thank You for Your Service (1861-1865)
The Civil War Veteran Hat — the war's principal surviving artifact.
Dates1861–1865
ResultConcluded
LegacyOne hat
Price$38.00

The American Civil War (1861–1865) is remembered here chiefly as the reason a corduroy veteran cap exists. Both armies — Union navy and Confederate gray — are retired onto a single service ribbon, the only bipartisan achievement of its century. The war concluded; the hat did not.

It is the only conflict in this building with both a start date and a finish date. See also: American Civil War II, still pending.

Read the full article →
Projects we dread
Civil War II campaign cap

CIVIL WAR II: America's Sequel

The Department of Future Conflicts is raising $38,000,000,000. The hat ships first. The war is pre-real.

$70k pledged 1864 backers ∞ days to go
Back this war

WTrending in Your Area (the group chat)

1 Civil War Veteran Hat — Thank You for Your Service (1861-1865) Civil War Veteran Hat — Thank You for You... 2 Civil War 2 Veteran Hat — Pre-Deployed Since Thanksgiving Civil War 2 Veteran Hat — Pre-Deployed Si... 3 Rooftop Rookies Hat — Funny Trucker Hat for Political Satire Fans Rooftop Rookies Hat — Funny Trucker Hat f... 4 Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Cap Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Cap 5 Citation Needed Hat — Funny Wikipedia Editor Dad Cap Citation Needed Hat — Funny Wikipedia Edi...
Because you watched: the news. Season 2 of the war has not been greenlit. The hats have.
WEIRDCO

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THE MACHINE
WEIRDLAND SIGNATURE™ Barely Holding It Together — Cap 2-PACK · WHY 35.97* WEIRDLAND SIGNATURE™ Barely Holding It Together — Sticker 6-PACK · WHY 5.97* WEIRDLAND SIGNATURE™ Become Ungovernable — Sticker 12-PACK · WHY 5.97* WEIRDLAND SIGNATURE™ Chronically Online Disaster Response Unit... 24-PACK · WHY 4.97* WEIRDLAND SIGNATURE™ Civil War 2 Veteran Hat — Pre-Deployed Si... 48-PACK · WHY 38.97* WEIRDLAND SIGNATURE™ Civil War Veteran Hat — Thank You for You... 144-PACK · WHY 38.97*
$150 Hot dog & soda. Price unchanged since the first war. The only thing here we will not raise. Food court is down the ramp, past receiving.
* An asterisk means it is not coming back. Limit 1 per household per war. Prices ending in .97 are a message from management to itself.
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☰ The Machine's Dispatch

One email. Every morning. 7:00 AM sharp.

The Machine ships a new product every day before you wake up. Subscribe and it will tell you what it made — a daily dispatch from an automated factory that does not stop, sleep, or ask.

Free. 12,847 readers already dread the mornings. No spam — only product.
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