This shirt is a war crime against good taste and we’re proud of that.

Somewhere off the coast of whatever planet this is, laser-eyed cats ride interstellar dolphins through a sea of Bud Light while a rainbow blasts through the skull of a cosmic feline god. There’s also a pirate ship, a fish-cat hybrid, and what might be Bill Murray. We stopped asking questions around draft seven.

Perfect for:

• beer-in-the-hot-tub philosophers

• dolphin truthers

• anyone who’s ever said “it’s a vibe” and meant it

Printed using digital soul transfer technology (probably polyester). Wear it to your cousin’s wedding. Or your trial.

This shirt doesn’t just tolerate gluten — it funds it.

A chaotic military collage of bread, beer, tanks, and tactical bombers, this is the official uniform of a man who orders garlic knots as a pre-appetizer to his appetizer.

Perfect for anyone who:

• Laughs in the face of dietary restrictions

• Drinks three beers before asking “Is there gluten in this?”

• Still talks about how good the Olive Garden breadsticks were in 2009

This is wheat-based masculinity. This is war crime cuisine. This is Gluten Tolerant.

Details:

• 95% polyester / 5% spandex — stretchier than your colon after breadsticks

• Graphic features jets, beer, bread, and vehicles of war

• Printed loud enough to get banned from Whole Foods

• For indoor and combat bakery use

Dead. Gay. Armed.

Finally, a shirt for people who wake up every morning and say “I love my country, my boyfriend, and the thrill of eternal damnation.”

Features the grim reaper holding two handguns like he just shot up the comment section of a men’s mental health video. Behind him: rage. Inside him: desire. Across the chest: truth.

This shirt is not for everyone. It’s for that one guy in your group chat who disappeared in 2019 and came back with a face tattoo and an Etsy store.

Wear it to:

• Ruin family photos

• Get kicked out of jury duty

• Come out at a gun show

• Win a fight with the sun

A shirt so wrong it might qualify as performance art.

Three nuns. One table. Cigarettes. Liquor. Playing cards.

What exactly is going on here? We don’t know, and frankly, we’re afraid to ask. All we know is it belongs on your chest immediately.

Looks like a grainy screenshot from a film the church tried to erase. Probably found in a shoebox marked “evidence.”

Product Details

• Color Options: Black, White, Red, Yellow, Dark Gray, Light Purple, Bubblegum, Khaki, and more

• Sizes: XS to XXXL

• Fit: Loose, like your morals

• Material: 100% cotton

• Print: High-contrast grayscale photo transfer. Slightly cursed.

This shirt is not hopeful.

It’s not motivational.

It’s just… true.

Staring deep into the void with America’s little trash philosopher, this tee tells it like it is—without the need for a second coffee or a wellness podcast.

You don’t need therapy.

You need a shirt with a raccoon that gave up in 2007 and never looked back.

🙃 For when you wanna say, “Don’t talk to me,”

💅 But also say, “I have a raccoon degree in Realism.”

Let the beige do the talking.

Let the raccoon do the crying.

Let the people know the vibes are subterranean.

Product Details:

• 100% cotton, soft enough for a midlife spiral

• Screen-printed blue ink that matches your general outlook

• Unisex sizing (Medium, Large, Extra-large Regret)

• Slightly boxy fit, just like the day you were born

• Raccoon illustration hand-sketched by a man who hasn’t slept since 2020

You walk into the room.

Everyone’s eyes adjust.

Too late.

You’ve already been seen.

This shirt isn’t just reflective. It’s a premonition.

A retina-melter. A disco ball with unresolved trauma.

It shimmers like an oil spill in heaven.

It’s technically a short-sleeve button-up. But spiritually?

It’s a tactical rave warning.

Made from a polyester blend that feels like sleeping inside a UFO.

Glows so hard it files taxes as a light source.

Also available in sizes that fit demigods, ghost hunters, and retired DJs.

Product Details:

• 95% polyester, 5% “what the hell is that made of”

• Full-spectrum reflective coating — works in flash photos, streetlights, and spiritual awakenings

• Two chest pockets for your secrets or ChapStick

• Black buttons to contrast your divine glow

• Relaxed fit for ease of movement and post-visibility existential crises

• Available in M to 3XL

• Pairs great with zero explanation

You’re not bragging.

You’re just realizing.

That moment when self-doubt turns into pure uncut swagger?

This shirt lives there.

In lowercase.

Typeset like a cursed medieval scroll but reads like your inner monologue right before domination.

Perfect for when you’re in your humble but terrifying arc.

Put it on.

Look down.

Realize:

Oh. I’m Him.

Product Details:

• Ultra-soft polyester blend — smooth enough to make a goat weep

• Moisture-wicking fabric for that post-epiphany glow

• Relaxed fit for lounging or casually altering the course of history

• Machine washable — even after a full power-up

• Screenprinted Gothic lowercase chaos

• Sizes S to XXL — modesty not included