Chronically Online Disaster Response, Incident #69420, Authorized Personnel Only — T-Shirt

No agency was coming for this one. Not FEMA, not the Red Cross, not anyone with a hotline or a casserole. When the disaster was the entire information environment collapsing into a slurry of death counts, meme discourse, and main-character events refreshing every four minutes, you had to self-deploy. This t-shirt is your official documentation. Deployment date: March 2020. Status: ONGOING. You did not volunteer for this. You were volunteered by circumstance, by the algorithm, by a news cycle that never called for an all-clear. Wear it with the thousand-yard stare you earned.

Featuring a deadpan graphic reading CHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED TO REFRESH UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, complete with a fake agency seal. It reads exactly like a volunteer deployment shirt right up until it doesn't. The double-take on a stranger's face is the entire point. You survived something real. The shirt just says the quiet part out loud.

• Agency: Bureau of Chronically Online Disaster Management (BCODM) — est. March 13, 2020
• Incident Classification: Complex Multi-Platform Psychic Mass Casualty Event
• Incident #: 69420-DOOMSCROLL
• Deployment Status: ACTIVE / NO DEMOBILIZATION DATE SET
• Authorized Activities: Refreshing, quote-tweeting into the void, doomscrolling as civic duty
• Benefits Package: None. There is no benefits package. There was never a benefits package.

Classic unisex fit, printed on ultra-soft 100% cotton so you stay comfortable during your endless scrolling shifts.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.