Chronically Online Disaster Response, Incident #69420, Authorized Personnel Only — T-Shirt
Size guide
True to size, unisex fit. Measurements are the garment laid flat, in inches.
| Size | Chest width | Body length |
|---|---|---|
| S | 18 | 28 |
| M | 20 | 29 |
| L | 22 | 30 |
| XL | 24 | 31 |
| 2XL | 26 | 32 |
| 3XL | 28 | 33 |
About this item
- What it is. Bella+Canvas 3001 — 100% Airlume combed and ringspun cotton, 4.2 oz. Heather colours are a cotton/polyester blend.
- Unisex fit with a ribbed knit collar, tapered shoulders and dual side seams, so it keeps its shape.
- Printed direct-to-garment with water-based inks. The design sits in the fabric, not on top of it.
- Sizes. S · M · L · XL · 2XL
- Care. Machine wash cold inside out, tumble dry low. Do not iron the print.
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
Size guide — will it fit?
| Size | Length (in) | Chest width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28 | 18 |
| M | 29 | 20 |
| L | 30 | 22 |
| XL | 31 | 24 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 |
Measured flat, so chest width is half the full circumference. Unisex sizing runs true — if you are between sizes, size up for a looser fit. Not sure? Lay a shirt you already like face down and measure that.
No agency was coming for this one. Not FEMA, not the Red Cross, not anyone with a hotline or a casserole. When the disaster was the entire information environment collapsing into a slurry of death counts, meme discourse, and main-character events refreshing every four minutes, you had to self-deploy. This t-shirt is your official documentation. Deployment date: March 2020. Status: ONGOING. You did not volunteer for this. You were volunteered by circumstance, by the algorithm, by a news cycle that never called for an all-clear. Wear it with the thousand-yard stare you earned.
Featuring a deadpan graphic reading CHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED TO REFRESH UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, complete with a fake agency seal. It reads exactly like a volunteer deployment shirt right up until it doesn't. The double-take on a stranger's face is the entire point. You survived something real. The shirt just says the quiet part out loud.
- Agency: Bureau of Chronically Online Disaster Management (BCODM) — est. March 13, 2020
- Incident Classification: Complex Multi-Platform Psychic Mass Casualty Event
- Incident #: 69420-DOOMSCROLL
- Deployment Status: ACTIVE / NO DEMOBILIZATION DATE SET
- Authorized Activities: Refreshing, quote-tweeting into the void, doomscrolling as civic duty
- Benefits Package: None. There is no benefits package. There was never a benefits package.
Classic unisex fit, printed on ultra-soft 100% cotton so you stay comfortable during your endless scrolling shifts.
Products in this set: CHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY
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This item: Chronically Online Disaster Res...
Product information
| Brand | Weird Castle |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | T-Shirt |
| Date first available | July 8, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #58 in things nobody requested |
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